A Smile for Tears
by PaolaAdara
Summary: ...she loved him, unconditionally, realized beneath the boughs of the God Tree, hundreds of years away from his time.
1. A Smile for Tears: Act I

Title: A Smile for Tears (1/?)

Author: Paola

Disclaimer: _A Smile for Tears_ is based on characters and situations that belong to Rumiko Takahashi (and other production affiliates that have the right of ownership). No money is being made, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Considerations: Similarities to other stories/events/passages are purely coincidental unless otherwise cited.

_**A Smile for Tears**_

_**Act I: Once upon a time, there was a damsel in distress locked away in a tower by a dragon…**_

Every time he went off on his own, a tumble of butterflies always unsettled her stomach. It wasn't the same harbinger of euphoria that threatened to overwhelm her with excitement. It wasn't the same butterflies that fluttered during flirty encounters with anonymous crushes. It wasn't the same sensation she got whenever she expected to get a high reward after burning the midnight oil.

It just wasn't the same.

It wasn't pleasant. It was a dark feeling, foreboding, because she knew, she always knew, that the mulish set of his jaw, the way he wouldn't meet her eyes, the way his ears flattened meant something that wouldn't sit well with her heart.

Every time he went off on his own, she feared, not because he might get hurt, but because she knew she would. Every time he went off on his own, she feared, not because he might secretly fight a horde of demons alone, but because she would be fighting solitarily her own demons. Every time he went off on his own, she feared, because she knew he visited a memory she never had a place in.

The memory was his alone, a burden to carry, a promise to fulfill, a vow to honor, a haunting task so loyally attended to that his fidelity left bitter traces in her mouth. It was choking, it made her sick, and it made her love him all the more, the contradiction of her emotions so striking, like a perverse color of brightness in a sea of black.

A soul for a soul, a trade she couldn't rival.

She told herself that she could love them enough for the both of them, but it sounded empty in her mind, it felt hollow in her chest, it weighed her heart, and her soul couldn't rise from the ashes he'd unknowingly left her in. He'd left his mark in her heart, engraved every letter of his name so deeply that she bled every time he fled from her presence to chase a dream, a dream that should have been fulfilled — shattered — a dream that was full of yearning, promises…hurt. Bitterness over a betrayal that killed and sealed.

He acted jealous, he acted like he would stay, he acted like he needed her, but a fleeting glimpse of a ghostly face rendered him reneging on his promise. He'd told her he would protect her, but he was too cruel and selfish as to play both the roles of protector and executioner. He delivered her from harm, only to afflict her by his actions.

For countless of times, he fought for her, almost gave up his life for her, showing her that she was important, but that paled in comparison to how he'd given himself to another. He was willing to get injured for her sake, but he was willing to burn in hell for another.

And through all this, she would wait, like a faithful puppy, the roles reversed, their races confused. Then he would come back, bloody, torn, haunted, the trail of an unaccomplished task staining the air around him, stifling, deadening, but never had he come back to an empty cave, a hollow shell, an unwelcoming coterie. He would never have to come back to find himself alone. She would always be there, welcoming him back into her life because his place there would never waver, never be closed off, never be gone. She would smile and dress his wounds, get angry at him like she was expected to, but always lacking the edge in her voice, the contempt that should have been rightfully there. She couldn't get mad, not really, because he had already captured her heart, sealed it with a smile.

It was funny that despite trying to kill her, when it all came down to it, he'd had her at hello, while she'd given everything and still he wasn't hers. It was unfair, it was screwed up, but it was okay, because every time he would go away, he would return. She'd never taken this for granted, never dreamed to take this for granted, because she would never know when his silent departure would turn into a permanent goodbye.

For all his flaws, she loved him, unconditionally, realized beneath the boughs of the God Tree, hundreds of years away from his time. She came to love him in the present, a subjugating feeling she harbored in the past. She was the priestess who overcame the hanyou in the legends of her time, a story that threaded great awe, touched the hearts of teenagers and adults alike, but what the legends didn't say was that she wasn't the priestess who'd captured his heart, sealed it with an arrow, and suspended it through time.

She would smile understandingly whenever he would try to make sense of his garbled explanations, smile as the awkwardness would eventually give way to familiarity when their companions dispelled the uneasy air with their facetious antics, smile even when her jaw hurt, smile even when the sting in her eyes grew, because if she would just continue to smile, everything would be all right. If she continued to smile, the other wouldn't exist. If she continued to smile, he would stay, and for now, that was all that mattered. For the night, he would stay, as for a whole week, a long breath of journey, until he would feel the need to leave again, until he would decide to break her heart just a little more, add another crack even before she could finish taping the pieces back together.

Until then, Kagome would smile, because somehow, that kept Inuyasha by her side, even for just a short while, even for just a few heartbeats.

-End of Act I

A/N:

It's an experiment, both in the way of writing (I don't know, like narrative-poetry, maybe?) and the fandom. If it sucks, it sucks; if it doesn't, then hurray for me! Oh, and if it sucks _royally, _I'd be glad to take it down, all kidding aside.


	2. A Smile for Tears: Act II

Title: A Smile for Tears (2/?)

Author: Paola

Disclaimer: _A Smile for Tears_ is based on characters and situations that belong to Rumiko Takahashi (and other production affiliates that have the right of ownership). No money is being made, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Considerations: Similarities to other stories/events/passages are purely coincidental unless otherwise cited.

_**A Smile for Tears**_

_**Act II: One day, a knight in mismatched armor came to slay the dragon and rescue the lady…**_

He never really liked leaving her, with her eyes downcast, her smile faltering, and her upset so distinctly mixed with the air that he could smell it, almost taste it. It always made him want to throw her back down the well, send her back to her time, seal the opening, and keep her from harm's way…keep her from him. But he couldn't do it, not when she'd ingrained her presence so deeply that a part of him went missing whenever she would leap that five-hundred-year distance that should have, in all conscience, kept them apart. Not when he was allowing himself to be selfish, just once, like some recompense he deserved for all the harshness he'd endured as a child.

But even with the painful grip she had on his heart, he always ploughed through his hesitation and walked out of her life, just for a night, a short absence that would be redressed later on when they returned to the road, the travels they set to. Surely, that wasn't too bad a compensation. He'd be gone just until the moon was about to give way to the sun, and it wasn't to visit the ghost of his past, but to deliver her and the other. He knew he wasn't given that much strength to protect both, but he'd be damned to stop playing the hero. It wasn't to stoke his ego, but to calm the helplessness that surged in his veins, bothered his mind, and chilled his bones.

The salty scent of pain would always assault his senses whenever he turned his back on her, whenever he would have to hurt her just so he could prevent her from getting agonized further. It was ironic. The need to kill her spirit just to preserve her heart. He hadn't completely understood the logic behind their damned situation, but instinctively, he knew he was doing the right thing.

At least…he thought he was doing the right thing.

He always left her for the vestiges of his past before he learnt of her feelings, and even after that, he chased a soul that coveted his freedom, his life. He'd resigned himself to repay a debt, no matter what it took, no matter the consequences of his actions, but he didn't expect her to catch him by surprise, steal his breath, worm her way to his heart, and demand that it beat for her, live for her instead of passing over to the great beyond with the other. He didn't know her — she was a stranger, a human from a land far away from his time, so what right did she have to make him question his earlier decisions? She was unconsciously doing it, innocently tearing apart his resolve, and that was harder to take. He had a duty to carry out, a vow to fulfill, a soul to join in hell, but she was making it harder for him not to break his promises.

She wanted him to smile; the other wanted him to suffer. She wanted him to live; the other wanted him to fall. But despite how the better path was so obviously laid out before him, he couldn't just take it and forget about the other choice. It would continue to haunt him, pervade his living breath, direct his actions, and blemish whatever happiness he could attain with her. No, he couldn't have that. He couldn't have her raising her hopes just for him to bring her crashing down. That would hurt her more, and all he was left to do was widen the distance between them until she learnt to let go, until her affections waned, until she could no longer confuse love with any other feelings lesser than it. Leave whenever she would get too close. Leave whenever he felt too comfortable with her. Leave when she was starting to wrap him up in smiles and genuine emotions. And everyday, she was becoming more successful, and it was getting harder to break away from her.

It was better this way. If she knew whom he needed to be dedicated to, despite his heart's wishes, then she would — hopefully — guard herself more…from her feelings, from him, and from other temporal attachments she might have in this era.

He was a man who lived for the day, never planning anything beyond what was immediately ahead, a week at the longest, but there was one thing he always thought of, one thing that always bothered him, that required him to think ahead.

Once the Sacred Jewel was completed, what then?

She didn't belong in his time, and after her purpose, who was to say that the well would remain open? Who was to stay that time would allow them to continue disrupting its flow? Who was to say that she would always have the option to stay, that both of them could always cross the gap between the ages?

So he did what he did. One day, she would see that he was doing it for her. She deserved someone better, someone who acted jealous because he had the right to and not because he had possessive urges, someone who would leave everything behind just to be with her…someone who wasn't tainted from the very beginning.

He sniffed the air before he stepped closer to the camp, having just returned from seeing a reminder of the time before she came. It was still there, the lingering saltiness that came from her tears, and he scrunched his nose in a futile effort to rid his senses of it. He never learned to get acquainted with the smell, it was just too sad, too heart-breaking, and he was undeserving of her tears.

He approached his comrades and found her the only one awake. The others were already deep in their slumber, telling him how late he had arrived, but she was still up, situated on a jutting rock and currently looking at him, relief evident in her expressive eyes. She'd stayed up again to wait for him, just like those nights not so long ago, always waiting for him, always conscious to welcome him back, and it kindled an angry fire in him. She wasn't supposed to be up and about waiting for him. She wasn't supposed to welcome him back. She wasn't supposed to care.

She wasn't supposed to make him question his path.

She didn't have the right to…_did she?_

Just as he was about to voice out his resentment, she smiled at him, and the fiery licks of anger died. Her eyes were bright with the remaining tears that, somehow, were left unshed, but her smile was genuine. It beckoned his soul, tugged at his heart, and tamed his demon. He almost gave in to the temptation to forget everything else, to forsake his vow just so he could be with her. They were hard to battle, the emotions she evoked from him — they weren't just enemies he could vanquish with a sweep of his Tetsusaiga. They were more than he could handle; he was just a hanyou, and she was a priestess.

_A hanyou…_

Then and there, he realized something. He wasn't merely protecting her — he was punishing himself. He didn't deserve her, and acting on his feelings for her didn't serve to lift his mistake. He'd let down one priestess before; he wouldn't do it again. He wouldn't give himself a chance at happiness. Not now. Not when the failure of his past still haunted him. Not when he had yet to atone for his transgression.

He let out a barely audible sigh at her actions. There was a reason they met in the most unexpected of ways. It was to show him what he could have if he were to succeed in going to hell to set free the other.

It just wasn't their time. Not yet. He still had five-hundred years to live out. Fifty decades to cross alone and prove his worth. Then maybe, it would finally be their time. Maybe, he'd finally deserve her love, but until then, they could never be together. Until then, he'd have to keep her at arm's length, even if it meant hurting her, even if it meant hurting himself, too.

Until then, only Inuyasha's demon would know what he felt for Kagome.

-End of Act II

A/N:

I decided to turn this into more than a standalone, but I haven't decided if it would go up to Act III or IV. You don't have to like it. I won't mind.


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